A Likely Lass

probably nothing of consequence

Archive for the tag “wtf”

I’M HANGING UP NOW

Last afternoon, ’round lunchtime:

Phone *rings*
Me: *picks up phone, doesn’t recognize the number, answers anyway* Hello?
Annoying Nasal-Voiced Telemarketer: HI IS THIS [MY NAME]???
Me: *holding phone slightly away from ear* Yes?
ANVT: HI HI HI! I AM CALLING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS AWESOME PROGRAM THAT ALLSTATE HAS-
Me: *interrupting* Can you guys quit calling me while I’m at work? I’ve requested this like 5 times already.
ANVT: THAT IS SUPER AWESOME AND THAT YOU ARE ELIGIBLE FOR AND-
Me: Sorry, I’m not interested.
ANVT: WHY AREN’T YOU INTERESTED.
Me: I’m just not. Can you take my number off of your calling list?
ANVT: BUT I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
Me: And that one lady that keeps calling my house to offer me Viagra is only trying to help with my sex life. Please. I’m really not interested, I’m sorry to waste your time.
ANVT: BUT THIS IS AN AWESOME PROGRAM.
Me: Okay. Can you please remove me from your calling list?
ANVT: OMG. I AM TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU AND NOW YOU ARE BEING MEAN TO ME.
Me: I am not trying to be mean to you, but you guys have called me a bunch of times already. I’m not interested.
ANVT: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE MEAN TO ME, THERE’S NO CALL TO BE ACTING LIKE THIS!!!
Me: Er… what?
ANVT: DO I HAVE TO GET MY SUPERVISOR ON THE LINE? THIS IS UNCALLED FOR.
Me: Just… um… remove me from your calling list. Please.
ANVT: ALL RIGHT MA’AM, I’M HANGING UP NOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO CURSE AT ME.
Me: I’m … okay, yes, I’d like to talk to your supervisor.
ANVT: I’M SORRY, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HANG UP NOW.
Me: Um… okay.
ANVT: MA’AM, I’M HANGING UP. WE’LL CALL YOU BACK LATER.
Me: …
ANVT: HELLO?
Me: *click*

I was half tempted to start crying and carrying on while saying “YES, GOD YES I’M SO SORRY, I *AM* INTERESTED IN YOUR PROGRAM, IT MUST BE WONDERFUL, OH ANGEL OF THE TELEPHONE, OH NASAL VOICE OF MY HEART, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME MORE! I HAVE SINNED IN IGNORING YOUR CALLS!” but I was at work. And no one appreciates spontaneous crying unless someone’s gotten a limb lopped off by the copier or something.

What??

RUDY GIULIANI: “We Had No Domestic Attacks Under Bush; We’ve Had One Under Obama”

Rudy Giuliani has joined fellow Republicans Dana Perino and Mary MatalinĀ in seeming to forget that the September 11th attacks happened under President Bush.

On “Good Morning America” Friday, the former New York mayor declared, “We had no domestic attacks under Bush; we’ve had one under Obama.”

Not only does the statement suggest Giuliani does not remember the devastating attack in his own city, it also omits the anthrax attacks and the attempted shoe bomber attack. (emphasis mine)

“Um, really?” wrote ABC News reporter Rick Klein on Twitter. Later he added, “even if Rudy MEANT to say post-9/11, what makes this incident different than [shoe bomber] Richard Reid, I wonder?” Of course, Giuliani could have been referring to the Fort Hood shootings rather than the botched underwear bombing.

A day earlier, Giuliani falsely claimed that the shoe bomber attack occurred before September 11th.

Curiously, the Associated Press did a long write-up of Giuliani’s Obama criticisms but omitted the startling mistake. George Stephanopoulos, who conducted the ABC interview, included the quote in a blog post but did not question it.
Source

This hereby posted for its utterly ridiculous content. I think every reporter from here on should take a page out of William Buckley’s book and threaten to punch someone if they’re having an attack of epic stupidity in front of a camera.

Seriously, Rudy: what?

The Quest for the Oscillating Fan

And ye, verily, did the adventurers embark upon the hunt for the Oscillating Fan. The roads were darke and the path was hard, God threw brainlesse people into their path right and left, and crazy driving was had all around. Their quest was difficulte, as they wandered the WalMarts of the land, led astray by Evil WalMart Employees, forced to hunte through Housewares and run ’round endcaps of Death, nearly trampled by the Horde At The Gates waiting to buy their Twizzlers that Ye Were On Sale, and their Pyjamaes For Toddlers Withe Slashed Prices. They found Gargantuan Fans and Small Handfans for Two Dollars and Twenty Six Cents and Ye Decoratinge Fans, but Oscillating Fans they found not. Hot though it was, they returned home, empty handed and sweatinge, for ye, they FAILED to find a single, Holy Oscillating Fan.

Old news!

Here’s Terry Pratchett commenting on the Canadian court order forbidding customers of a book-store who got the new Harry Potter a few days early from discussing or even reading the book:

Now that the bound proof copies of _Thud!_ are out, and will no doubt be winging their way to an e-bay near you, I would like to say that ANYONE WHO READS A WORD OF IT before publication day will be MADE TO SIT IN THE CORNER and their ENTIRE COUNTRY will be given DOUBLE DETENTION until every single person SAYS SORRY!!!!!

And you just can’t get better than Richmond, VA. Further proof:

A near riot broke out when a crowd of 5,500 to 11,000 people rushed through a gate to buy used iBooks being sold by the school district for $50. Only 1,000 iBook were being sold, and people were in a rush to get to the sales counter first.

There were several minor injuries and one person was taken to a hospital with a leg injury, fire Battalion Chief Steve Wood said during a 1 p.m. news conference. In all, 17 people were treated, the majority for heat- or diabetic-related problems, he said. Thousands of Henrico County residents and/or taxpayers stood in a half-mile-long line as dawn broke while others waited in cars parked nearby or milled about not far from the entrance to RIR. One official estimate put the crowd at 5,500. Other observers estimated more than twice that.

Many had come prepared with books, snacks, umbrellas and chairs. The first car arrived at 1:30 a.m. By 6:30 vehicles were backed up on Laburnum Avenue about a half mile to Carolina Avenue.

[/source]

 

Kill all the butterflies!

From here:

It’s true that I am delirious, but I’m pretty sure that George Bush made nature the enemy in one of his speeches. Not everything is either ally or enemy. Lying in bed this morning, not sleeping, I worried that George Bush might get wind of the butterfly effect — the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings in China can create a hurricane in the Gulf. His response would be to invade China to kill all the enemy butterflies.

Bubba the Soda

I was leafing through the ads this morning while I’m waiting for my clothes to dry, and there’s a popular shopping chain here called Save-A-Lot. Flipping over the back of the ad, they have 2 liters of knock-off soda listed for .59, and I think never in my history of existance have I seen soda names that are so indicative of the local population. Among a couple of other choices, you have “Mountain Holla”, “Bubba”, and “Dr. Pop.” “Mountain Holla” helpfully has a bright red sun depicted on it, “hollaring”.

Yes, hello, American South. I missed you.

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