I was at the grocery store the other day, getting the weekly groceries. I was standing in line behind three guys who looked like they were in their early twenties. I was paging through a magazine, not really paying any attention, when I noticed one of the guys wearing a “No Fat Chicks” shirt. I think I kind of frowned, but had turned back to the magazine when I heard him say something.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“You know you want it,” he said, apparently incredibly full of himself, stroking his chest and grinning at me.
I feel though I may have raised an eyebrow, but I’m not sure. I did say, calmly, “I’d rather light my face on fire.”
Apparently his friends found this funny. So funny the guy ended up walking out of the store, pretending he had to make a phone call to his girlfriend.
I understand that a lot of people buy into the whole perfectly-thin thing, six-pack, can’t-eat-any-carbs, must-be-super-fit mentality. It’s an aesthetic. But it’s not the only aesthetic.
Frankly, I think I should get a shirt that says “No Skinny Guys.” Despite it being tacky, I don’t see why I shouldn’t proclaim my preference where everyone can see (well, I do know, and it’s that thing called tact, but who cares about that anymore?). Maybe “No Love Handles, No Love.” I come by that preference honestly, too – I like some fluff. I don’t care what Kevin Smith looks like in a bathrobe, I could just eat him with a spoon. Adam Richman on Man Vs. Food? Yum. I tell you, there are just not enough slightly-fluffy-yet-masculine men on television. They all eventually go the way of curvy actresses: super-exercise, the excuse of “the perpetual flu”, then it’s Trimspa and a downward spiral from there until you end up unrecognizable, with multiple plastic surgeries and having your own “reality show” that gets cancelled after two episodes air.
As my Hungarian grandmother said, “If you have a bit of fluff, all it says is that you enjoy your steak with dessert.” And if you knew what kind of dessert my Hungarian grandmother could make, you’d eat it too.