As you might be aware, I started the dogs on a home-made diet about a week ago. I’ve been talking about it forever, and decided it was time to put my money where my mouth was. I also skipped my normal Bil Jac liver treat run and instead made my own.
This is what the recipe has in it: chicken livers, flour, cornmeal, garlic powder (small sprinkle). Bake. It seemed simple enough.
But instead of sedately chopping the livers in a Martha-Stewart haze of perfect serenity, I had to puree them.
Yes. Pureed chicken livers.
This is how it went down. Please note that if you are eating and/or squeamish, this part is gross. Skip it.
Me: *stares at recipe, empties container of chicken livers into blender*
Dogs: *waiting expectantly*
Me: *presses pulse*
Chicken Livers: ARRRRGHGHGHHHBLAAHHH!!!
Me: HOLY F*CKING CHRIST!
Chicken Livers: BLARARRRRRARARRRGHGHHH!!!
Dogs: BARK BARK BARK!
Chicken Livers: *bloody mess*
I really did not expect the chicken livers to… like… well, I didn’t expect them to become like a blood smoothie. Y’know all those books that are like “And the vampires drank lots of blood in pretty cups!” and “She nonchalantly poured a glass of blood”? I BET THERE WAS NO NONCHALANTNESS ABOUT IT. Just having this … this blender full of a bloody mass was actually kind of disturbing. And the fact that I’d left the little centre part out of the blender made ALL the difference, let me tell you, because I got pureed liver splattered on the cupboards.
Naturally, M chose that moment to come home.
This is what actually happened:
Me: *smiles reassuringly* Hi!
Dogs: *don’t move but wag tails*
This is what M saw:
Me: *holding a container of blood, with blood splattered all over the cupboards, grinning maniacally* HI HONEY I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE HOME
Dogs: *drooling menacingly*
M: What are you doing?
Me: Making liver treats for Bean’s class. Sorry about the mess, I forgot about the little thing in the center of the blender.
M: What… kind of liver are you using?
Me: Chicken liver, why?
M: OH. Just checking.
When I went to look in the mirror after finally popping the liver-biscuits in the oven, I realized that I also had bloody liver flecks all over my cheek. It was a sight for sore eyes, I am quite positive.