A Likely Lass

probably nothing of consequence

Archive for the tag “cooking”

Saga of the Liver Treat

As you might be aware, I started the dogs on a home-made diet about a week ago. I’ve been talking about it forever, and decided it was time to put my money where my mouth was. I also skipped my normal Bil Jac liver treat run and instead made my own.

This is what the recipe has in it: chicken livers, flour, cornmeal, garlic powder (small sprinkle). Bake. It seemed simple enough.

But instead of sedately chopping the livers in a Martha-Stewart haze of perfect serenity, I had to puree them.

Yes. Pureed chicken livers.

This is how it went down. Please note that if you are eating and/or squeamish, this part is gross. Skip it.

Dogs: *circling*
Me: *stares at recipe, empties container of chicken livers into blender*
Dogs: *waiting expectantly*
Me: *presses pulse*
Chicken Livers: ARRRRGHGHGHHHBLAAHHH!!!
Me: HOLY F*CKING CHRIST!
Chicken Livers: BLARARRRRRARARRRGHGHHH!!!
Dogs: BARK BARK BARK!
Chicken Livers: *bloody mess*
Me: *faint*

I really did not expect the chicken livers to… like… well, I didn’t expect them to become like a blood smoothie. Y’know all those books that are like “And the vampires drank lots of blood in pretty cups!” and “She nonchalantly poured a glass of blood”? I BET THERE WAS NO NONCHALANTNESS ABOUT IT. Just having this … this blender full of a bloody mass was actually kind of disturbing. And the fact that I’d left the little centre part out of the blender made ALL the difference, let me tell you, because I got pureed liver splattered on the cupboards.

Naturally, M chose that moment to come home.

This is what actually happened:
Me: *smiles reassuringly* Hi!
Dogs: *don’t move but wag tails*

This is what M saw:
Me: *holding a container of blood, with blood splattered all over the cupboards, grinning maniacally* HI HONEY I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE HOME
Dogs: *drooling menacingly*

M: What are you doing?
Me: Making liver treats for Bean’s class. Sorry about the mess, I forgot about the little thing in the center of the blender.
M: What… kind of liver are you using?
Me: Chicken liver, why?
M: OH. Just checking.

When I went to look in the mirror after finally popping the liver-biscuits in the oven, I realized that I also had bloody liver flecks all over my cheek. It was a sight for sore eyes, I am quite positive.

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Weight Watchers Diet Cards!!

Slender Quenchers: These are the saddest diet beverages ever. The one on the right is skim milk and orange pulp. The one on the left is made with water, sherry extract, and two beef bouillon cubes. No, really.

Well, there’s also celery in it. Oh, and SELF-LOATHING.

Weight Watcher’s diet cards.

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