A Likely Lass

probably nothing of consequence

The Shoes

For over a year now, I have looked for the perfect red siletto heel. They have to be a darker red, preferably patent leather (because why get red stiletto heels if you can’t have patent leather?). My favorite lipstick is a few shades darker than a bright red, though still bright, and I wanted to match. They had to be comfortable and – the disqualification I’d often encountered – less than $40. So far, my quest turned up nothing. Either I’d find the right thing, but they were too expensive. Or I’d find another pair I liked – but they were too chunky, or the wrong color, or they had a weird strap. I really loved a Candies pair I found online, but at $80, they were out of my price range. It was like a bad crush: you really really wanted them but then they would go and do something so stupid that you swore them off forever… and then forgot about swearing them off and went back, trying like hell to get their attention, for a few months, until you fail again.


For my eyes lit upon the PERFECT, unadorned, un-strappy, dark red patent leather stiletto heels. IN MY SIZE. ON THE CLEARANCE RACK.

I held my breath as I picked them up. Seriously, people, this was like my Unicorn quest. You have to act slowly and deliberately or you will scare them away. I picked up the box and set it gingerly next to me. I checked both shoes – they were the same size. I slid them on. They were a perfect fit. I walked in them – high, but definitely doable. Feeling that SOMETHING had to be up, I looked at the side of the box, sure that they would be still-unattainable. They were The Candies Shoes, after all. There had to be a catch. Erroneously being on the clearance rack, for example.

Marked down from $80, they were $17.

I swear, I snapped them up faster than Angelina Jolie snaps up orphans. You get a little shoe-jealousy, too, when you make such a find, as this lady behind me was craning her neck and staring at The Shoes. “Ooo, Gerta!” she crowed, “Lookit these!”

But I wasn’t sharing The Shoes. I picked up my jacket and The Shoes, quelled my inner Gollum, and went as fast as I could to the register. Ten minutes later, The Shoes are MINE.

I'm not sure what these shoes were made for, but it sure as hell isn't walking.


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