A Likely Lass

probably nothing of consequence

Vlad Putin: with only *some* sarcasm

You know that commercial for Dos Equis beer, with the “Most Interesting Man In The World”?

Vladimir Putin is that guy. Not only does he single handedly save a Russian film crew from furry orange death, but now he’s helping save polar bears from certain extinction.

“No cry, Bear, as soon as we get large transmitter around your neck
you will be free to wander Arctic again. It will be O.K., Vlad vill
take care of you.”

Here is a brief excerpt from Vlad’s cavorting with bears:
“As the sleeping beast lay before him, Mr Putin shook its paw and said: “Be well.” He added: “The paw is heavy. This is the master of the Arctic, you can feel that straight away.”

Not only does he help save endangered species (note: he didn’t kill the tiger with his KGB-fu, he tranquilized it), but models fight to the death to win his affections. Well, okay, they just embarassed his political detractors, but still. When was the last time you had a bevy of women voluntarily entrap your enemies and expose their ‘cocaine habits’ to the world just for your love?

I can see why they would… 

The man is a judo black-belt, with the ‘rippling arm muscles’ to prove it. His holiday card doesn’t include his wife and kids standing in a Swiss chalet with charming wool sweaters, they show him, riding barechested on a horse in the mountains. 

“Good horsey…” [flex]
One of these creatures is 57 years old,
and not in horse years. Which one is it???

You cannot tell me that this particular holiday photo will not be treasured by the horde of hot models that adore him. Especially if signed, “влюбленность (love), Vlad.” 

So when he isn’t riding forth half-naked or saving endangered species, he’s making politically important and lasting decisions that are said to mostly positively impact the Russian people. At least, if the 71% of Russians that voted for him to enter a second term can be believed. I firmly believe that if President Obama bared his chest for Christmas photos and maybe saved some tourists from a rabid grizzly bear while being half-naked on a trip to save the rare diamond-patterned trout of Montana, he’d probably enjoy the same approval rating. Probably, if he was ex-CIA-director and could call forth his former minions with a bushy eyebrow quirk, he’d get more accomplished in Congress too.

But alas, there is only one Putin, as far as I know, and I salute him in all his barechested, politically aggressive glory. Dos Equis, take note: you don’t have to use some nameless actor as your “most interesting man”. Just ring up Vlad and ask him to bring a few of his fans with him. You’d shortly have more bare-chested Russian glory than you could throw a glass of vodka at.


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