The Quest for the Oscillating Fan
And ye, verily, did the adventurers embark upon the hunt for the Oscillating Fan. The roads were darke and the path was hard, God threw brainlesse people into their path right and left, and crazy driving was had all around. Their quest was difficulte, as they wandered the WalMarts of the land, led astray by Evil WalMart Employees, forced to hunte through Housewares and run ’round endcaps of Death, nearly trampled by the Horde At The Gates waiting to buy their Twizzlers that Ye Were On Sale, and their Pyjamaes For Toddlers Withe Slashed Prices. They found Gargantuan Fans and Small Handfans for Two Dollars and Twenty Six Cents and Ye Decoratinge Fans, but Oscillating Fans they found not. Hot though it was, they returned home, empty handed and sweatinge, for ye, they FAILED to find a single, Holy Oscillating Fan.