I’M HANGING UP NOW
Last afternoon, ’round lunchtime:
Me: *picks up phone, doesn’t recognize the number, answers anyway* Hello?
Annoying Nasal-Voiced Telemarketer: HI IS THIS [MY NAME]???
Me: *holding phone slightly away from ear* Yes?
ANVT: HI HI HI! I AM CALLING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS AWESOME PROGRAM THAT ALLSTATE HAS-
Me: *interrupting* Can you guys quit calling me while I’m at work? I’ve requested this like 5 times already.
ANVT: THAT IS SUPER AWESOME AND THAT YOU ARE ELIGIBLE FOR AND-
Me: Sorry, I’m not interested.
ANVT: WHY AREN’T YOU INTERESTED.
Me: I’m just not. Can you take my number off of your calling list?
ANVT: BUT I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
Me: And that one lady that keeps calling my house to offer me Viagra is only trying to help with my sex life. Please. I’m really not interested, I’m sorry to waste your time.
ANVT: BUT THIS IS AN AWESOME PROGRAM.
Me: Okay. Can you please remove me from your calling list?
ANVT: OMG. I AM TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU AND NOW YOU ARE BEING MEAN TO ME.
Me: I am not trying to be mean to you, but you guys have called me a bunch of times already. I’m not interested.
ANVT: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE MEAN TO ME, THERE’S NO CALL TO BE ACTING LIKE THIS!!!
Me: Er… what?
ANVT: DO I HAVE TO GET MY SUPERVISOR ON THE LINE? THIS IS UNCALLED FOR.
Me: Just… um… remove me from your calling list. Please.
ANVT: ALL RIGHT MA’AM, I’M HANGING UP NOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO CURSE AT ME.
Me: I’m … okay, yes, I’d like to talk to your supervisor.
ANVT: I’M SORRY, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HANG UP NOW.
Me: Um… okay.
ANVT: MA’AM, I’M HANGING UP. WE’LL CALL YOU BACK LATER.
I was half tempted to start crying and carrying on while saying “YES, GOD YES I’M SO SORRY, I *AM* INTERESTED IN YOUR PROGRAM, IT MUST BE WONDERFUL, OH ANGEL OF THE TELEPHONE, OH NASAL VOICE OF MY HEART, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME MORE! I HAVE SINNED IN IGNORING YOUR CALLS!” but I was at work. And no one appreciates spontaneous crying unless someone’s gotten a limb lopped off by the copier or something.