Harmonicas: the evil that never sleeps
I hate songs with harmonicas in them. I hate harmonicas, too. The sound is like the death wail of a large animal with a tiny head that should have been extinct some hundred thousand years ago. It’s like the super-annoying cousin with braces that hits on everything that moves and thinks he’s the shit. In fact, if Urkel was a musical instrument, he would be a harmonica. If David Hasslehoff had a theme song, it would be played with a harmonica. If the harmonica was a show, it would be Jersey Shore.
Facts About Harmonicas:
They are sold in supermarkets, usually in the “canned foods” aisle.
They are made of metals that cans are usually made out of and some kind of reed things.
Their construction is like the bastard child of a sardine can and a piano, which an oboe is currently caring for because no one else will.
45% of third world countries blame harmonicas for their poverty.
Harmonicas were responsible for many of the dubious fashion choices in the 80s.
Cher’s outfits were conceived when she was tripping on acid and playing a harmonica she found in the canned foods aisle at the supermarket.
Melting ice caps are the result of way too much harmonica playing. The polar bears are losing their habitat because people make the dubious choice of playing harmonicas!
There are lots of other, better musical choices than a harmonica, people. Like cigar-box guitars, or whistles, or membranophones. Just stop playing the harmonica. In fact, you could recite this simple rhyme before you pick up your harmonica:
Everytime you play the harmonica, a polar bear dies a painful and needless death.