A Likely Lass

probably nothing of consequence

Crown of Swords: Robert Jordan

The entire ending of what seems like half of the Wheel of Time books can be summed up as the following:

Rand: *gets angry, decides to kill one of the Forsaken, assembles army/friends/peasants/rabble*
Forsaken: Mwahahahaha! I am confident I will beat you into submission, little boy!
Rand: I am the Dragon Reborn!
Forsaken: Oh yeah? *balefire*
Rand: *balefire x2*
Forsaken: *dodges, runs to palace*
Rand: *follows*
Forsaken: Mwahaha! I am in my own element! You will DIEEE! *balefire*
Rand: *dodges, palace falls down around his ears*
Forsaken: *runs away*
Rand: *follows, palace falls down some more*
Forsaken: *balefire*
Rand: *balefire x2*
Forsaken: *runs away*

Etc., etc., until THE END:

Rand: *balefire x40967^10*
Forsaken: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *bursts apart*
Rand: Haha.
Rand: Now crown me, you idiots. But I really don’t want the crown! *fights with himself*
Rabble: *confusion*
Rand: Ok, you can crown me now.
Rabble: *crown*

Dear Mr. Jordan:

Please make some other ending than Rand killing the Forsaken. Obviously, you are quite enamoured of this ending, as you’ve used it for many of your books. However, it would please me mightily if you thought up a brand-spanking new ending. Like maybe Rand falling down some stairs and not being able to balefire the hell out of the world. Or someone close to him dying. ANYTHING BUT ANOTHER FRIGGIN’ CROWN.


PS: If you can, in ANY way, avoid the Aes Sedai breast-baring bit in the future, Please do so for the love of all that is holy.


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